I miss you…
I miss us being happy together all the time and all the other people in the world not mattering as much, all the little shit that guys do, or all the petty shit people at work pull.
I miss listening to you speak and watching you do things and being mesmerized all the time without being distracted by pain or remembering old fights.
I miss you all the time and i just wish i felt good enough to try and make things right again, or to even keep you entertained for longer than a few hours. remember we used to spend whole days together…
I hate that i’m basically the worst best friend and no matter how hard i try or how far i push myself i’m not making it any better.
Worst of all i hate how sometimes i’m so exhausted i just don’t care… I don’t want to be like this, i don’t want to be this person.
for six months i was all alone without you and i developed extreme introverted tendencies, I don’t know if you have noticed?
Then you came back i was struggling to be social, and then the pain started and i ignored it and got weaker and weaker and i told no one until it hurt to much to think straight.
I’m struggling with being around people longer than the time it takes to get laid, or going to see my family long enough to get essentials and do my laundry.
I’m happy having my friend back, and i’m happy to have a new man in my life who puts me at ease and somehow has made me so happy that the lifestyle i used to live seems insane
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today i woke up with just a bit of pain
yesterday i got to hoop for about 4 minutes but afterwards i was breathless, i hsd to use my inhaler but it didn’t hurt very much
everyday is better than the last
the oxycodone makes me want to chain smoke…